The Art of Dirty Talk: Phrases to Try Tonight

Let’s be honest—dirty talk can feel intimidating. One moment you’re feeling confident and connected, and the next, your brain goes completely blank. You want to say something hot, but all you can think is, “Does this feel as awkward to them as it does to me?”

Here’s the good news: you’re not alone, and it gets easier with practice. In fact, a whopping 91 percent of people admit to fantasizing about dirty talk, according to sexuality researcher Justin Lehmiller, PhD, author of Tell Me What You Want . The fantasy is incredibly common—but actually doing it? That takes a little guidance.

This guide will walk you through everything you need to know: why dirty talk works, how to start, what to say, and how to make it feel natural. By the time you’re done, you’ll have plenty of phrases to try tonight.

Why Dirty Talk Is So Powerful

Dirty talk isn’t just about sounding sexy—it’s about stimulating the most powerful sex organ: the brain.

“Touch stimulates the body; words stimulate the mind, which is our most powerful sex organ,” explains Nicholas Velotta, head of relationship research at Arya . When you or your partner puts desire into words, it becomes personal, intimate, and affirming in ways that physical touch alone can’t achieve.

The Science Behind the Heat

Research suggests that erotic language fires up the hypothalamus, a region of the brain that influences sexual behavior . But the benefits go beyond just turning you on:

• Builds anticipation: Dirty talk creates suspense and excitement, serving as a form of mental foreplay 
• Deepens intimacy: Sharing fantasies and desires helps partners learn more about each other’s wants and needs 
• Strengthens consent: Talking about what you want to do, plan to do, or are feeling in the moment helps partners get a better sense of where they stand with each other 
• Boosts confidence: Being brave enough to say what turns you on can actually increase your self-assurance in other areas of life 

What the Data Shows

According to Arya research on over 250,000 couples, 57 percent of people struggle to talk about sex . Dirty talk offers a pathway through that communication barrier. “Behind the words, you’re practicing honesty, permission, and self-acceptance,” Velotta notes.

Before You Start: Setting the Foundation

1. Get Consent (Make It Part of the Fun)

Before you launch into explicit phrases, it’s important to know that both of you are on the same page. Dirty talk isn’t for everyone, and certain words or phrases might be triggering for some people.

The best approach? Have the conversation outside the bedroom—during breakfast, cuddling, or a relaxed moment when no one feels pressured. Try something like:

• “Hey, I’ve been curious about trying dirty talk. How do you feel about it?”
• “Are there any words or names that turn you on—or totally turn you off?”
• “What would you like to hear me say?”

Some people might love being called a “slut” but cringe at “bitch.” Others might prefer praise over degradation. Knowing these preferences beforehand makes the actual experience smoother and safer .

Consent doesn’t have to interrupt the moment. You can weave it into the flirtation itself: “Can I tell you what I’m thinking about right now?” or “Do you want to hear what I want to do to you?” 

2. Start with Sexting

If the idea of saying these words face-to-face makes you nervous, start with texting. Sexting gives you the space to carefully craft your messages and gauge your partner’s reactions without the pressure of being watched.

Try opening with:

• “I dreamed about you last night. Want to hear about it?”
• “I just took a sexy photo. Would you like to see?”
• “I can’t stop thinking about what I want to do to you later.”

Sexting isn’t just practice—it’s also a powerful way to build anticipation throughout the day.

3. Practice Alone First

Clinical sexologist Lee-ann Cordingley suggests practicing racy words or phrases out loud when you’re alone to get more comfortable hearing yourself say them. It might feel silly, but it works. By the time you’re with your partner, the words won’t feel as foreign in your mouth.

4. Set the Mood

When you’re ready to try dirty talk in person, consider starting with the lights off or dimmed. This can help you feel less exposed and more uninhibited . A glass of wine, soft music, or simply a relaxed atmosphere can also help.

Easing Into It: Beginner-Friendly Approaches

If you’re new to dirty talk, you don’t need to jump straight into explicit commands or degradation. Here are some low-pressure ways to start:

The “Narrate What’s Happening” Method

Simply describing what you’re feeling or what your partner is doing can be incredibly hot. You’re not performing—you’re just being honest.

• “That feels so good.”
• “Don’t stop.”
• “I love the way you’re touching me.”
• “You feel incredible inside me.”

This approach is authentic, low-pressure, and almost always welcome.

Ask Questions

Questions invite your partner into the conversation and give you feedback on what’s working. Try:

• “Do you like that?”
• “How does that feel?”
• “Do you want me to go faster or slower?”
• “What do you want me to do to you?”

Asking questions also helps cultivate consent in real-time.

Use Your Senses

Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, recommends using multi-sensory descriptions to make your words more vivid and engaging:

Offer Positive Reinforcement

Feedback isn’t just helpful—it’s sexy. Let your partner know when they’re doing something right:

• “Yes, right there.”
• “Just like that—don’t stop.”
• “I love it when you [do that].”

Phrases to Try Tonight

Now for the main event. Here are over 50 dirty talk phrases, organized by scenario and intensity level, so you can find what feels right for you.

For Building Anticipation (Before You Get Started)

These work great as texts, whispered in the ear, or said while you’re still clothed:

• “I can’t wait to get you out of your clothes tonight.” 
• “I’ve been thinking about you all day.” 
• “Do you know what I’d like to do to you later?” 
• “I’m so wet/hard right now just thinking about you.” 
• “I went shopping for something special for tonight… want to see?” 
• “My body is aching for you.” 
• “I’m counting the minutes until you’re in charge.” 
• “I want to tear your clothes off right now.” 

For the Heat of the Moment

Use these during foreplay or intercourse:

• “Yes, keep going.” 
• “Harder, please.” 
• “I need you inside me.” 
• “Please touch me there.” 
• “That feels amazing.” 
• “I’m going to make you scream with pleasure.” 
• “How deep do you want me to go?” 
• “I love watching us in the mirror.” 
• “Rail me.” 
• “Get on top of me and don’t get off until you come.” 

For Giving Feedback and Direction

Tell your partner exactly what you want:

• “I love it when you touch me there.” 
• “Yes, kiss my [body part].” 
• “Please play with my [body part].” 
• “Can you do it harder/softer/slower?” 
• “I want to taste you—may I?” 
• “Pull my hair.” 
• “Pin me down so I can’t move.” 

For Encouraging Your Partner to Take Control

These phrases invite dominance and assertiveness:

• “You’re in control now.” 
• “Take what’s yours.” 
• “Use me for your pleasure.” 
• “Make me your plaything tonight.” 
• “Show me how strong you are.” 
• “Dominate me. I need you.” 
• “I want to be at your mercy.” 

For Expressing Submission

If you’re in a submissive mood:

• “I want to be your good girl/boy.” 
• “Do whatever you want to me. I’m yours.” 
• “I’ve been a bad girl/boy today. How are you going to punish me?” 
• “You own my body tonight.” 
• “I’m just here to please you.” 
• “Make me beg for it.” 

For Dirty Talk with a Dominant Edge

If you prefer to be in charge:

• “Be a good little slut and spread your legs for me.” 
• “Spread your legs wide. Your body is mine tonight.” 
• “Tell me exactly what you want me to do to get you off.” 
• “Show me how bad you want me.” 
• “Push your ass back toward me. I want to feel all of you.” 

For Aftercare and Connection

What you say after sex matters just as much as what you say during it:

• “That was amazing.” 
• “I love it when we talk dirty to each other.” 
• “What did you like the most? I want to do more of that next time.” 
• “I want to hear more of your fantasies.” 
• “I love how connected I feel to you.” 
• “You make me feel safe.” 

Advanced Tips: How to Make It Even Hotter

1. Adjust Your Voice

Sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it. A relaxed, deep, round voice is often perceived as seductive . But don’t force it—your natural voice is always enough. Pay attention to your partner’s responses and adjust accordingly.

Speed matters too. A slow, whispered phrase during intimate moments can be incredibly powerful. A louder, more urgent voice during wild, passionate sex matches the intensity.

2. Align Words with Actions

Words are hot, but words paired with the right actions are even hotter . If you whisper, “I want you inside me,” while moving your hand toward their groin, you’re creating a powerful sensory experience that words alone can’t achieve.

3. Read Your Partner’s Response

Pay attention to how your partner reacts. Did they lean in closer? Moan? Tense up? Those are cues that what you said is working. If they seem to pull back or go quiet, check in with a simple, “You like that?” 

4. Try Roleplay

Roleplay can make dirty talk feel less intimidating because you’re speaking as a character, not yourself . Whether you’re playing strangers meeting at a bar, a boss and employee, or a dragon and its tamer, the role gives you permission to say things you might otherwise feel shy about.

5. Use the “5 Levels” Approach

Build intensity gradually. Start with simple compliments (“You look so sexy”), move to mild direction (“Touch me there”), escalate to explicit requests (“I want you to…”), and only then go to full fantasy or degradation language if that’s what both partners enjoy.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

What If It Feels Awkward?

Here’s a secret: it’s supposed to feel awkward at first.

“Trying new things can be a great way to add spice to a sexual relationship,” explains Cath Hakanson, a global sex educator. “Just be mindful that some of the things you can try won’t work for everyone. Or one partner may enjoy it, whilst the other won’t”.

The awkwardness fades with practice. Many people find that after a few attempts, dirty talk becomes not only comfortable but genuinely fun. As one wikiHow user shared: “It absolutely gets less awkward as you get more experience with each other! Something that helped with our dirty talk is figuring out names that we liked calling each other”.

If a phrase falls flat or you both burst out laughing? That’s okay. Laughter is intimacy too. The goal isn’t to perform perfectly—it’s to connect authentically.

Final Thoughts: Your Voice, Your Pace

The most important rule of dirty talk is simple: it doesn’t have to sound like porn to be erotic. It just has to sound like you.

You don’t need a script, don’t need to be a natural performer. You just need a willing partner, a little courage, and a willingness to say what you’re feeling out loud.

Start small. Use the phrases here as inspiration, but make them your own. Pay attention to what resonates with your partner—and what resonates with you. Over time, you’ll develop a shared language of desire that belongs to the two of you alone.

And remember: the goal isn’t just hotter sex. It’s deeper intimacy, greater honesty, and a relationship where both partners feel safe enough to say exactly what they want.

So go ahead. Try one phrase tonight. See what happens.

This article is for informational purposes only. Always prioritize consent, communication, and mutual respect in your intimate relationships.